Movies that suck

>> Thursday, August 27, 2009

I've been on a roll picking out really crappy movies lately. It all started this weekend when Jason & I stopped by the closest Redbox (hello $1 movies!) and rented "The International."

Image courtesy of Redbox

This movie seemed promising in the previews, but somehow Jason & I never made it to the theater to see it. There was something in me that just said "wait and see what others thought." Those "others" never thought anything. No one I know went to see it. That should have been my first clue. The movie stars Clive Owen and Naomi Watts and is about a big brother-ish bank that is dealing arms. Clive Owen's character wants to stop the bank and goes on his own vigilante spree to do it. Doesn't sound too bad, right?

Wrong. The problem with this movie is that:

1) It jumps to different locations way too many times, making it hard to keep up.
2) It has a LOT of plots. In fact, most of the plots develop more plots making it even harder to keep things straight.
3) None of said frickin' plots get resolved. NONE.
4) The movie ends suddenly without warning. It's almost as if the production guys said, "Oh lookie here, it's 5pm on Friday and we don't want to go into overtime. Yeah, I think that was enough filming. We'll make it work."

After the movie ended, Jason & I just stared at each other wondering what in the heck we just saw. It was that bad.

My second crappy movie choice of the weekend was "Rachel Getting Married."

Image courtesy of Redbox

Now this movie I decided to watch by myself. I knew it would be hard convincing Jason to watch, so I didn't even bother to try. I knew I would have a hard time watching this movie because it stars Anne Hathaway in a very different role. She plays a hard-core drug addict that has just come home from rehab. I've liked every movie I've seen her in so far, but she always plays a cutesy girl in movies that have happy endings.

This movie did not have that happy ending. Here's how Redbox reviews the movie:

"When Kym (Anne Hathaway) returns to the Buchman family home for the wedding of her sister Rachel, she brings a long history of personal crisis and family conflict along with her."

Yep, that's all it said. Maybe I should have read that first before I rented the movie. Unlike "The International's" crazy long list of plots, "Rachel Getting Married" lacked one completely. The movie just altogether sucked. But since nothing really unfolded in the movie, I guess nothing needed to get resolved. The movie's cinematography was terrible as well. The camera zoomed in and out like they couldn't focus, making it hard to watch. Parts of the movie, such as the rehearsal dinner, were so drawn out that I got bored. This was just one stinker of a movie.

Finally, a couple nights ago, Jason & I went back to our beloved Redbox and rented yet another bomb, "The Day the Earth Stood Still" starring Keanu Reaves, Jennifer Connelly and Kathy Bates.

Image courtesy of Redbox

Yeah, I know. I don't really like Keanu Reaves either, but we've seen most of the good movies in our Redbox by the time we rented this one. In this movie, Keanu plays an emotionless alien that is a friend of the Earth and comes to warn the Earth that it is about to have all the humanpopulation eliminated in order to save the planet. Jennifer Connelly's character befriends him and tries to get him to stop the destruction that has started since the world has treated him as hostile.

And that's about it.

To give the movie some credit, at least there was a plot involved and the movie did end.......sorta. But this movie ended much like "The International" did - it just kind of stopped. I haven't seen the original movie so I can't say how well it followed, but the ending was just anticlimactic. Boring.

The one darn movie that I saw in the past week that I know I liked was on the G4 station under their "Movies That Don't Suck" headline.

With a station that broadcasts such gems like "Cheaters" and "The International Sexy Ladies Show", you would think that they wouldn't know a good movie if it slapped them in the face. But "The Goonies" can never be denied its "Movies That Don't Suck" status.

"Rocky Road" and "Hey you guys!" is in all our vocabularies whether we like to admit it or not. It came from a freaky thing called Sloth! Who could forget Mikie (Sean Astin) always getting air from his inhaler, believing they can find the rich stuff of One-Eyed Willie. Or a young Cory Feldman as Mouth, trying to always look cool and bust out with the smart aleck comments. Or Data, with all of his crazy inventions. "Booty traps!" Best of all, who could forget Chunk doing the Truffle Shuffle?

If you haven't seen this movie, then you are lame.

If you've seen this movie and think this movie is lame, then you are super lame and should probably not read this blog anymore. I can't be friends with you. Seriously.

And finally, if you've seen this movie and love it, then you are moved to fully bloggy love status.

Moral of the story here? Sometimes even $1 can be wasted. Stay at home and watch movies that don't suck.


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