This is not about the inaugeration.

Nope, it's about me. I'm going to hijack my own blog to throw a pity party for myself. Relax, it won't take long and then I'll get back to my regular scheduled blogging.

In 10 days, I will turn 30. My friend Shana says it's my "Golden Birthday" because I turn 30 on the 30th. Bleh. I have never been so apathetic about my birthday before. I've always wanted to celebrate and throw some kind of party, but for some reason, I just can't get excited about it this year. I've been close to tears for almost 2 weeks or so and it's only getting worse. Talking about it makes me feel even more ridiculous than I thought I already was.

I suppose the mindset is that 30 is a mental milestone for me and I'm not quite where I thought I would be. Yes, I am married to a wonderful man, we have a beautiful home and I have fantastic friends and family. But career-wise, I'm in the gutter. I have bounced between different jobs trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life, but nothing has been appealing for long. I even went to grad school to gain more insight, but instead, I gained more confusion.

Now, with the crappy economy that we are in, finding any type of job - except burger-flipping - is really, really hard. I'm also stuck in-between experience levels. In some ways, I know I'm overqualified for so many jobs, but in other ways, I think I'm under qualified for the good jobs. It's a tough spot to be in. I think that this 30 milestone wouldn't be so hard for me if I was at least bringing in some income.

I called my Mom to talk to her (read: whine/cry) about the impending birthday. She said she cried about her 30th birthday, too for the same reasons. So maybe it's hereditary. I can blame it on my genes. I know that in a few weeks, I'll feel better, but I just can't get to that place soon enough. I just can't shake that crappy, low feeling.

I know that I need to do something for my birthday, but I still don't know what. If I let this day pass me by, I know that I will be upset and regret it, so I need to decide something soon. At first I thought I'd do something at the house, but now I'm not sure. But it better be good, that's all I know. Just for sheer embarrassment and to show how ridiculous I can get, here's pics from the last three birthdays:

This is probably my favorite dumb birthday pic. It's my 27th birthday back in 2006. There's Shauna, Shana & I, fairly inebriated and doing who knows what. I was obviously trying to karaoke to my own tune.


My 28th birthday was also filled with bar-hopping, but we were a little more responsible. This picture was taken at a restaurant. I think someone was trying to maim me with that candle.

And finally last year's 29th birthday had a somewhat princess theme (don't worry, it was short-lived):