This is not about the inaugeration.

>> Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Nope, it's about me. I'm going to hijack my own blog to throw a pity party for myself. Relax, it won't take long and then I'll get back to my regular scheduled blogging.

In 10 days, I will turn 30. My friend Shana says it's my "Golden Birthday" because I turn 30 on the 30th. Bleh. I have never been so apathetic about my birthday before. I've always wanted to celebrate and throw some kind of party, but for some reason, I just can't get excited about it this year. I've been close to tears for almost 2 weeks or so and it's only getting worse. Talking about it makes me feel even more ridiculous than I thought I already was.

I suppose the mindset is that 30 is a mental milestone for me and I'm not quite where I thought I would be. Yes, I am married to a wonderful man, we have a beautiful home and I have fantastic friends and family. But career-wise, I'm in the gutter. I have bounced between different jobs trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life, but nothing has been appealing for long. I even went to grad school to gain more insight, but instead, I gained more confusion.

Now, with the crappy economy that we are in, finding any type of job - except burger-flipping - is really, really hard. I'm also stuck in-between experience levels. In some ways, I know I'm overqualified for so many jobs, but in other ways, I think I'm under qualified for the good jobs. It's a tough spot to be in. I think that this 30 milestone wouldn't be so hard for me if I was at least bringing in some income.

I called my Mom to talk to her (read: whine/cry) about the impending birthday. She said she cried about her 30th birthday, too for the same reasons. So maybe it's hereditary. I can blame it on my genes. I know that in a few weeks, I'll feel better, but I just can't get to that place soon enough. I just can't shake that crappy, low feeling.

I know that I need to do something for my birthday, but I still don't know what. If I let this day pass me by, I know that I will be upset and regret it, so I need to decide something soon. At first I thought I'd do something at the house, but now I'm not sure. But it better be good, that's all I know. Just for sheer embarrassment and to show how ridiculous I can get, here's pics from the last three birthdays:

This is probably my favorite dumb birthday pic. It's my 27th birthday back in 2006. There's Shauna, Shana & I, fairly inebriated and doing who knows what. I was obviously trying to karaoke to my own tune.


My 28th birthday was also filled with bar-hopping, but we were a little more responsible. This picture was taken at a restaurant. I think someone was trying to maim me with that candle.

And finally last year's 29th birthday had a somewhat princess theme (don't worry, it was short-lived):

5 comments:

mrs.leah.maria January 21, 2009 at 10:35 AM  

I'm sorry I can't commiserate with you on the birthday, but I can on the job front. :( Lol at crying over your 30th being hereditary!

MJ's doghouse January 21, 2009 at 1:54 PM  

Hi ...I dont know who you are...i just blog surfed and found you...I have a daughter who turned 30 this past november...and this was the year all her friends turned 30 ...they all had amazing parties and just celebrated the first 30...none of them are really where they want to be yet...but they just went for it...so celebrate...have a good time ...and remeber 30 is the new 20...I am sure you are an aweseom person...and I know you are a great writer....

Stephanie January 21, 2009 at 1:57 PM  

Thank you both so much! I'm feeling better now that I've gotten it off my chest, but it's still such a weird feeling. I'll update with whatever I did! :)

Katie January 27, 2009 at 6:54 AM  

LOL @ the candle. It looks like it's totally going to light something on fire.

Stephanie January 27, 2009 at 8:41 AM  

I know...I thought it was going to light ME on fire!!!

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